Word Vomit
My closet back home is filled with the paintings I did throughout my high school years — like my personal, extremely unprofessional, gallery. Every time I go home for scattered breaks and the regular holidays, I can’t help but look amongst the items left behind in my high school closet, gazing at them like they are some sort of artifact from years past.
Straight out the gates, this won’t be my typical blog post, but this will be an entry that I do feel should make its way onto this site. A bit of backstory — I’ve been a massive fangirl of Emma Chamberlain for about 6 or so years now, and if you have been a stan of hers as well, you will have noticed the drastic shift in content style that has characterized her recent posting from the last year or so. Her early videos could be most easily characterized by their silly, random nature where Chamberlain was seen doing miscellaneous activities that made her audience feel like they were a part of the ongoing fun that was to be a teen girl living in California. Things started shifting about two years ago, as videos went from every day, to weekly, to bi-weekly, then once every blue moon leaving us wondering where she went and desperately wanting more.
When Emma rehabilitated her echoing channel, the overall tone of her videos shifted, as well. They were silly, yes, but they had more personality to them. The length of them may have increased, but my attention span followed in its entirety, a rarity for me these days. Her videos became almost poetic, making it feel as if we weren’t only her surface level pals, but like we were actively exploring what was rummaging around inside her head. And yes — this may be a bit over dramatic of an analysis for a series of YouTube videos, but in all fairness, their simplicity has been eye opening to me in the last few months. Emma shifted her tone of voice, not because the comment section was banging at her front door —— it was for her state of being. It was a moment to step back, look around on her own terms, and produce something that meant something deeper than just a run-of-the-mill vlog here and there. That tweak she made inspired somewhat of my own introspection.
I was not an art prodigy by any means, nor am I now. I would consider myself a pretty decent artist by today’s means, but that’s not the point. Painting, or drawing, or even just doodling on scrap pieces on paper in some miscellaneous notebook during class just gave me this feeling of peace that I couldn’t necessarily describe. I figured out during my high school years that painting was the ultimate stress reliever — but the most important part of the whole ordeal is to not stress too much about the end product. Trust me, I know that’s easier said than done.
My paintings have always been spur of the moment projects, with really no clear end goal in sight rather than just putting all my focus into one thing — a concept that seems so foreign to me. 90% of my day is spent jumping from activity to activity, school to work and then back to school, and trying to juggle it all while still having a moment to do something for myself. Painting has always that “something.” Starting a painting wasn’t a linear shot to creating some masterpiece, but the final product was something I could genuinely say I did for myself. Taking that step back and looking at what you’ve done in this life is a masterpiece in and of itself.
Desperately trying to tie it back to Emma here, she pumped out her early videos to fulfill a quota, a certain need to be ever-present on her platforms, but with that, it felt that her message was getting further and further away from her. Rather than continuing down this beaten path, she swerved in a direction that led her to rediscover herself on her chosen means. Maybe that is an elementary level take on the meaning of life, but that’s all I got. So whenever I need a minute to breathe, take a step back and re-evaluate what the hell is going on, I realized that I do so through painting.
Like I said before, this blog isn’t my typical pop-culture take or business spotlight, but it only felt right to come on here and take a much needed breath. For those of you reading this who are drowning in classes, scouring LinkedIn for that next big internship, or even just feeling a little out of it, this is for you. Take the much needed minute, pick up that paintbrush(metaphorically or not)and simply be. Work will always get finished, the job search will continue on, but prioritizing what gives you that cheery feeling is something that should never be shoved off to the side. Rest assured, I will resume my regular yap about all the things I take creative refuge in soon, but for now, here’s a piece that’s only purpose was to check in.